Old Man
A 90-year-old man went to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor
pronounced him fit and healthy for a man his age.

"Why doc," the old man says, "I want you to know I've got an
18-year-old bride at home and she's pregnant with my child!"

"Let me tell you a story," the doctor says. "I have one patient
who's getting quite elderly, but he loves to hunt. He's getting quite
absent- minded, however, and last time he went hunting, he grabbed his
umbrella instead of his gun. He's out in the woods, and he comes across a
grizzly bear. He raises his umbrella, pulls the handle, and the bear
falls over dead."

"But that's impossible," says the 90-year-old. "Someone else
must have shot that bear."

"My point exactly," says the doctor.

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Confession
A guy goes into confession and says to the priest: "Father, I'm 80
years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren, but last
night I had an affair and I made love to two 18 year old girls.
Both of them. Twice."

The priest said: "Well, my son, when was the last time you were in
confession?"

"Never Father, I'm Jewish."

"So then, why are you telling me?"

"I'm telling everybody!"