Medical Machine

One day, Ken complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts.
Maybe I should see a doctor." His friend retorted, "Don't do that!" He
went on to tell Ken about a computer at the drugstore that could diagnose
anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. He simply had to put a sample
of his urine in and it would tell what one could do about it. The best
part of it was that it cost only $10. Ken figured he had nothing to lose, so
he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drugstore. Finding the
computer, he poured the sample and deposited $10.

Lights began to flash and the computer began to make noise. After
a pause, a small piece of paper popped out, on which was printed:

You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water.
Avoid heavy labor. It will be better in two weeks.

Later that evening, while thinking of how amazing this new
technology was and how it could change medical techonology forever, he
began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a

He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and
urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated
into the concoction. He went back to the drugstore, located the machine
and poured the sample. After depositing his $10, the machine began to make
the usual noises.

After a pause, a slip of paper popped out with the following analysis
printed on it:

Your tapwater is too hard. Get a water softener.
Your dog has worms. Give him vitamins. Your
daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation
clinic. Your wife is pregnant--twin girls--they aren't
yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking
off, your tennis elbow will never get better.