Downloaded From ASCII Heaven -

Definitive Collection of Lightbulb Jokes So Far Known
==================================================================

Tally so far as at 20/08/93 - 210 questions with 260 answers, plus
lots of other bits and pieces.
With lots of thanks to all those who have contributed, the single biggest
contribution so far having come from a user in the USA.

Q: How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again.

Q: How many MP's does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Twenty-one. One to change it and twenty to form a fact-finding
committee to learn more about how it's done.

Q: How many Thatcherites does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. It's up to the private sector to provide the finance for it.

Q: How many John Majors does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to not do anything about it and one to try and blame
the failure of the old bulb on the Labour party who put the
original bulb in place 17 years ago.

Q: How many Conservative economists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. The invisible hand does it.
A: None. "There is no need to change the lightbulb. All the conditions for
illumination are in place. Recent surveys show growing confidence in the
lightbulb lighting up again."

Q: How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.
A: None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw
itself in.

Q: How many Liberal Democrats does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. "Well it's not really a question of should we change it or should
we not change the lightbulb, but more a question of...(blah blah waffle)"

Q: How many liberals does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One liberal and twenty eight delegates representing all the social,
economic, and ethnic communities.
A: Two-one to do it and the other to keep the first one's knee from jerking.

Q: How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.

Q: How many libertarians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, because somebody might come into the room who likes to sit in
the dark.

Q: How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two-one to do it and one to steady the chandelier.
A: None, they only screw the poor

Q: How many Dan Quayles does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but it has to be a pretty dim bulb.

Q: How many Kennedys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None, at least until we get some corroborating witnesses.

Q: How many aides does it take to change President Reagan's light bulb?
A: None, they like to keep him in the dark.

Q: How many Reagans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: What light bulb?
Note: Topical to Reagan's apparent poor memory.
A: Just one - Nancy.
Note: Topical to Reagan's dependence on Nancy and her apparent de facto
ascent to power in 1987

Q: How many Russian leaders does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Nobody knows. Russian leaders don't last as long as light bulbs.
A: None, the old bulb is just suffering from a cold.

Q: How many Russians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: That's a military secret.

Q: How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a
light bulb?
A: Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of
production!

Q: How many American Imperialist Pigs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three - one to put in the bulb, and two to search through the cartons of
inferior American produced light bulbs for one that isn't defective.

Note: Probably the Eastern European equivalent of an ethnic joke.

Q: How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to assure everyone that everything possible is being done while
the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
A: Five - one to change the light bulb and the other four to fill out the
Environmental Impact Statement.
A: One to spot the burned-out bulb, his supervisor
to authorize a requisition, a requisition typist, twelve clerks to file the
requisition copies, a mail clerk to deliver the requisition
to the purchasing department, a purchasing agent to order the bulb,
a clerk to forward the purchasing order, a clerk to mail-order
a receiving clerk to receive the bulb....
A: Two - one to screw it in and one to screw it up.
A: None, we contract out for things like that.

Q: How many civil servants does it take to change the light bulb?
A: 45. One to change the bulb, and 44 to do the paperwork.

Q: How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!

Q: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None: The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.

Q: How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: All of them.

Q: How many Communists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two - one to screw it in, and a second to hand out leaflets.
A: One, but it takes him about 30 years to realize that the old
one has burnt out.

Q: How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild
civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
A: None, they can all see by the light at the end of the tunnel.

Q: How many British navy Officers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it takes him seven weeks to get there.

Note: topical to the Falkland Islands war.

Q: How many Chinese Red Guards does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 10,000 - to give the bulb a cultural revolution.

Q: How many Poles does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but you need 6000 Russian troops in case he goes on strike!

Q: How many European ballet dancers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they like Danzig in the dark.

Q: How many Mafia hitmen does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to screw it in, one to watch, and one to shoot the witness.

Q: How many amoebas does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One. No, 2. No, 4. No, 8. No, 16. No, 32.......

Q: How many paranoids does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: JUST EXACTLY DO YOU MEAN BY THAT? HUH? HUH?

Q: How many movie actresses does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but you should've seen the line outside the producer's hotel room.

Q: How many movie directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Just one, but he wants to do it thirty-two times and when he's done
everyone thinks that his last lightbulb was much better.

Q: How many schizophreniacs does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Well, he thinks it's five but as we all now it's only him, so...

Q: How many anglers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Five, and you should've seen the lightbulb! It must have been *this* big.

Q: How many science fiction writers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two, but it's actually the same person doing it. He went back in time and
met himself in the doorway and then the first one sat on the other one's
shoulder so that they were able to reach it. Then a major time paradox
occurred and the entire room, lightbulb, changer and all was blown out of
existence. They co-existed in a parallel universe, though.

Q: How many Einsteins does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: That depends on the speed of the changer, and the mass of the bulb. Or
vice versa, of course. Then it just might be easier to leave the bulb alone
and change the room. It's all relative.

Q: How many "Changing lightbulbs"-joke writers does it take to change a
lightbulb?
A: Two hundred, and don't ask why because they haven't figured that out yet.

Q: How many grocery store cashiers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Are you kidding? They won't even change a five dollar bill.

Q: How many newsmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but he'll tell everybody.

Q: How many firemen does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four - one to change the bulb and three to cut a hole in the roof.

Q: How many mutants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two thirds.

Q: How many waiters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, even a burned out bulb can't catch a waiter's eye.

Q: How many Contras does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but he doesn't know where it came from.
A: One, but he needs one Iranian, one Israeli, four Canadians,
and Arab, twenty Swiss, and Afghan, and Oliver North to help him.

Note: Both answers are topical to the 1987 Iran/Contra hearings.

Q: How many loggers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but he uses a chainsaw.

Q: How many procrastinators does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One - but he has to wait until the light is better.

Q: How many editors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two - one to change the bulb and one to issue a rejection
slip to the old bulb.

Q: How many Indiana University "notes" users does it take to
change a light bulb?
A: All of them, since changing light bulbs is the only kind of job
they can get after they graduate.

Q: How many Japanese industrialists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three - one to make sure the new bulb is not foreign, one to change
the bulb, and one to look into the export potential of the old bulb.

Q: How many jerks who ask stupid questions does it take to screw in a
light bulb?
A: Change it to what?

Q: How many baby sitters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, They don't make Pampers small enough.

Q: How many Ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five - four to decide which way the bulb OUGHT to turn, and...

Q: How many bankers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four - One to hold the bulb and three to try to remember the combination.
(left a bit, right a bit, left a bit...)

Q: How many gardeners does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one. The new light bulbs are just as easy to change
as the older, heavier ones.

Q: How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?
A: You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with
gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need.

Q: How many auto mechanics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to try to put in the wrong lamp. One to replace the broken socket.
A: Six - One to force it with a hammer and five to go out for more bulbs.

Q: How many Mexicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: As many as will fit in the El Camino.

(Notes: El Camino is a type of Chevrolet (no longer made) that was popular with
Latinos. Mexicans are also known/stereotyped as putting a lot of people into
their cars when they go low-riding.)

Q: How many Filipinoes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: We don't know. The new bulb keeps getting shot at the airport.

Q: How many Canadians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Four to form a Parliamentary study committee to decide how to solve
the problem,
one Francophone to complain that I didn't translate this joke into
French,
one Native Canadian to protest that the interests of Native Canadians
have been overlooked,
one woman from the National Action Committee On the Status Of Women
to say that women have been underrepresented in the process,
one to go over the border to the Niagara Falls Factory Outlet Mall
and buy a new bulb and not pay duty on it on the way back,
one to actually screw it in,
one to collect taxes on the whole procedure so the government can
afford it,
one to buy a case of Molson for everybody to drink,
and one to drop the puck,
(12 altogether)

Q: How many Englishmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: What do you mean change it? It's a perfectly good bloody bulb! We
have had it for a thousand years and it has worked just *fine*.

Q: How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Ve are asking ze qvestions here!
A: Two, one to give the order that the bulb be changed and one to screw it in.

Q: How many Argentinians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Nine thousand-after all, it's *their* light bulb.

Q: How many Iraqi soldiers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One. He takes it back to Baghdad for safe keeping.....

Q: How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity anymore.

Q: How many Iranians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One hundred - One to screw it in and 99 to hold the house hostage.

Q: How many Ayatollahs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None-there weren't any light bulbs in the 13th century.

Q: How many terrorists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Twenty - one to do it and nineteen to develop a distraction.

Q: How many members of the P.L.O. does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 45 - One to drive the car, four to shoot the president of Sylvania's
bodyguards, three to kidnap the president of Sylvania, five to think up
the ransom demands, ten to paste up the ransom note, eight to cut little
eye-holes in the cloth sacks, one to drive a truck with 2000 kilos of
dynamite into the American embassy, one to claim responsibility for the
bombing, and twelve to commandeer a building with working lights.

(and in a similar vein...)
Q: How many Israelis does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Six-four to storm the room and take control of it, one to forcibly
eject the old bulb, and another one to screw it in.

Q: How many Arabs does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Only one, but it took three U.S. advisors to tell them that it was
burnt out in the first place.
(Notes: Is/was this topical to one particular event, or does it just
reflect American frustration with the Arab way of doing things and the
peace process in general ?)

Q: How many cryonicists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four - One to ensure that the light bulb is certifiably dead, one to
perfuse it with cryoprotectants, one to slowly cool it to liquid
nitrogen temperature, and one to wait two hundred years for technology
to advance sufficiently to revive it.

Q: How many EEPers does it take to replace a light bulb?
A: Ten - 1 to replace the bulb and 9 to do a long term study of the effects
on his/her social development relative to same-age peers who sat around
in the dark.

Note: EEP = Early Entrance Program at the University of Washington

Q: How many pessimists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, the old one is probably screwed in too tight.

Q: How many IBM types does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 100. Ten to do it, and 90 to write document number GC7500439-0001,
Multitasking Incandescent Source System Facility, of which 10% of
the pages state only "This page intentionally left blank", and 20%
of the definitions are of the form "A ...... consists of sequences
of non-blank characters separated by blanks".
A: Just one, provided there's an engineer around to explain how to do it.

Q: How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: It burned out? You must be using a non-standard socket.
A: None. They just write it up as a new and useful feature.

Q: How many Bill Gates' (runs Microsoft) does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. He simply declares darkness to be the new standard.

Q: How many operating systems are required to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one-Microsoft is making a special version of Windows for it.

Q: How many people does it take to change an object-oriented light bulb?
A: Change it? Aw shucks, I was going to reuse it.

Q: How many alt.folklore.urban readers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: It depends on the way the bulb is threaded.
A: Two-fifty
A: One, to be dying of cancer and request that everybody around the world send
him light bulbs so he can get into the Guinness Book of World Records.
A: One, who'll do it for food.
A: One, to have a drink with a strange woman in a bar and pass out, wake up
three days later in a seedy hotel room, find a scar on his
back, and realize where the light bulb went.

Q: How many alt.conspiracy readers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One to do it, one to insist that the CIA was responsible for the
old bulb burning out, one to blame it on the Illuminati, one to blame
the TLC/CFR/Bilderberg group, and Steve Crocker to say that Lyndon
LaRouche predicted the bulb would someday burn out whereas the
British-dominated establishment was telling us the bulbs would never
need to be replaced.

Q: How many net.jokers does it take to tell yet-another light bulb joke?
A: 622 - One to tell the original joke, and the rest to give some
minor variation of it, believing this to constitute a great new joke that
noone else had ever thought of.

Q: How many USENET users does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Fifty - One to do it and 49 to talk about it on net.bulbs.d.
(Note: a nice try, but there's no such group. alt.fan.lightbulbs is quite
active, though - BRIAN.)

Q: How many rec.humor readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Eleven. One to change it, one to post in saying "I got it", one to post in
saying "Yes, but they have shots for it nowadays", one to post in saying he
missed the original lightbulb joke and could someone please post it again
or email it to him, one to post in quoting everything so far and the words
"Me too", one to turn it into a cascade, and one to post in saying "I don't
get it. Isn't this the place for FUNNY jokes ?", one to post in after two
months "What's this lightbulb joke you're all talking about ?", one to
repost it a month later thinking it's a new joke, one to post "I didn't get
it. What's the punchline ?", and one to post "Has anyone got a list of
these ? I'm starting a list, so please send me all your lightbulb jokes."

Q: How many netters does it take to submit a light bulb joke?
A: 1000 - One to invent the joke and 999 to submit "How many programmers does
it take to screw in a light bulb? None, that's a hardware problem."

Q: How many light bulb jokes does it take to change a light bulb joke?
A: Hmmmm - the probability that a given light bulb joke will be submitted
to the net in any given week is .4, and the probability that it
will have changed detectably since the last transmission is .2 .
Hence (assuming independence, which is reasonable since no
submitter of a light bulb joke ever seems to know it has been
submitted before, within the last 2 or 3 weeks), the probability
that it will change in a given week is .08. So it takes about
12.5 light bulb jokes to change a light bulb joke.

Q: How many psychics does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: ---- You should have hit "n!"

Note: refers to the way of skipping an article in an electronic
news reading program.

Q: How many journalists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to report it as an inspired government program to bring
light to the people, one to report it as a diabolical government
plot to deprive the poor of darkness, and one to win a pulitzer
prize for reporting that Electric Company hired a lightbulb
assassin to break the bulb in the first place.

Q: How many computer journalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Five-one to write a review of all the existing light bulbs so you can
decide which one to buy, another one to write a remarkably similar
one in another magazine the next month, a third to have a big one
come out on glossy paper two months later that is by then completely
out of date, a fourth to hint in his/her column that a completely new
and updated bulb is coming out, and the fifth to report a rumor that
that new bulb is shipping with a virus.

Q: How many GLC workers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Four. One to do it and three to go round putting up posters announcing
that the GLC, working for London, is going to change the lightbulb.

Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub
with brightly colored machine tools.
A: Two. One to change it and one to throw a bucket of water out the window.
(An interesting story about this joke - it was once being told at a party
or something, and the person being asked correctly made up a completely
irrelevant answer, and was promptly corrected by a loud chorus of "No, it's
a fish !")

Q: How many sado-masochists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to hold it and one to kick the chair out from under him.

Q: How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We don't know. They never get past the feasibility study.

Q: How many poets does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to curse the darkness, one to light a candle...
... and one to change the bulb.

Q: How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and
sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).

Q: How many rock stars does it take to screw in a lightbulb ?
A: None. Rock stars only screw in jacuzzis.

Q: How many existentialists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to screw it in and one to observe how the lightbulb
itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective
reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a
maudlin cosmos of nothingness.

Q: How many Paul Daniels does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. "And that's magic !"

Q: How many heterosexual males does it take to screw in a light bulb
in San Francisco?
A: Both of them.

Q: How many polite, considerate native New Yorkers does it take to
screw in a light bulb?
A: Both of them.
(Very flexible-use against any group you want to imply is nearly nonexistent).

Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. "It's not a bug, it's a feature."
A: Trick question. Programmers don't do hardware. (same answer really as
"None. It's a hardware problem.")
A: One, but if he changes it, the whole building will probably fall down.
A: Two. One always leaves in the middle of the project.

Q: How many field service engineers does it take to replace a dead light bulb?
A: Who can tell. Field service engineers are always in the dark.
A: None. They just have marketing portray the dead bulb as a feature.
A: 2. One to hold the bulb and one to pound it in (etc)
A: Well, the diagnostics all check out fine, so it's a software problem.
A: None: "We'll fix it in software."

Q: How long will it take?
A: That's indeterminate. It depends on how many dead bulbs they've
brought with them.

Q: What if you have *two* dead bulbs?
A: They replace your fuse box.

Q: How many system administrators does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, they just keep everyone out of the room.

Q: How many Unix hacks does it take to change a light bulb?
A: As many as you want; they're all virtual, anyway.

Q: How many Unix Support staff does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Read the man page!

Q: How many Bell Labs Vice Presidents does it take to change a light bulb?
A: That's proprietary information. Answer available from AT&T on payment
of license fee (binary only).
A: Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually
drops it, and the others call for a planning session.
A: Three. One to get the bulb and two to get the phone number of one
of their subordinates to actually change it.

Q: How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None: "We'll document it in the manual."

Q: How many Lisp programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Hmmm, I'm not sure, better find out....

Q: How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. There's a primitive for that.

Q: How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three:
One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and
one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure
nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.

Q: How many tech writers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None: "The user can work it out."
A: Just one, provided there's a programmer around to explain how to do it.

Q: How many Technical Support staff does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: "Well, we have an exact copy of your light bulb here and it seems to be
working OK. Can you be more specific about the exact problem ?..."

Q: How many PC users does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to do it, but one to check the new bulb for viruses first.

Q: How many Macintosh users does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
A: Mac users don't screw, they just click the genital icon.

Q: How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb ?
A: Only 1, but you have to cut a hole in the skirting board for it to get in.
A: Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.

Q: How many Blue Peter presenters does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to change it, and one to turn the old one into an attractive
Christmas tree decoration.

Q: How many people on Get Stuffed does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Four. Two to trot merrily down to the shops to buy a new one, of whom
person 1 then rips it unceremoniously out of its packaging and person 2
starts to do the changing, and the 2 "Mystery Chefs" to interrupt and
tell us he's doing it all wrong.

Q: How many Radio 1 DJs does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to change it and two to resign over the changes.

Q: Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?
A: No, big daddy, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
A: Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen
in on the guest list.

Tourist:
Do you know how many Welsh people it takes to change a lightbulb ?
Welsh Choir:
No, but you sing it and we'll hum the tune in moving harmony...

Q: How many tenors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three - One to do it and two to stand there and tell each other
how they could have done it better.

Q: How many folk singers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Five. One to change it, and four to sing about how good the old one was.

Q: How many folk-dancers does it take to change a light-bulb?
A: Just one, but they break a lot of bulbs, when they drop everything
to get onto the dance-floor when they hear the introduction to a dance
they want to do.

Q: How many square dancers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Four, and you have to walk them through it a few times.

Q: How many guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Five. One to change it, and four to stand around going "Huh ! I could've
done that !"

Q: How many bassists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Five-one to do it and four to beat back all the guitarists who are
trying to elbow him out of the spotlight.

Q: How many keyboardists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One to light a candle and say it's just as good as electric light.
A: Lightbulbs? C'mon, I got sunlight, fluorescent, candles-anything you want.

Q: How many bluegrass musicians it takes to change a light bulb?
A: Two - one to screw it in and one to complain that it is electrified.
A: Three, one to do it and two to argue about whether that was the way
Bill Monroe would have done it.

Q: How many blues musicians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to go to Chicago because there might be a lightbulb there and
the other to play harp.

Q: How many Dylan fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind. The answer is blowin'
in the wind.

Q: How many Pet Shop Boys does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to change it and one to sit around looking bored.

Q: How many punk rockers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to do it and two to argue about who did it first.
(Notes: refers to punk pastime of arguing about whether the first punk
band was The Sex Pistols, The Damned, or The Dead Kennedys etc.)

Q: How many Goths does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. They prefer everything all black anyway.

Q: How many Evangelists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 33. One to do it, 2 to bask in its glory, and 30 to take
collections in the bulb's name.

Q: How many sorority sisters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 51. One to change the bulb, and fifty to sing about the bulb
being changed.
(Notes: sorority is the female version of brotherhood. And the joke is that
during sorority rush, the sisters all greet their new would-be pledges by
standing out on the house steps and singing. You have to have been an
American undergraduate to really appreciate that one.)

Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Only one, but the lightbulb must want to change.
A: None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
A: How long have you been having this phantasy ?
A: How many do *you* think it takes?

Q: How many sex therapists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two - one to screw it in and one to tell him he's
screwing it in the wrong way.

Q: How many witches does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: It depends on what you want them to change it into.

Q: How many egotists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One. He holds onto the lightbulb, and waits for the world to
revolve around him.

Q: How many roadies does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One, two ! One, two ! One, two !
A: None. "I don't do lights. That's the light crew's job."

Q: How many health food freaks does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to remove the old one, and one to check the ingredients on
the new one.
(But did they change it for health or philosophical reasons ?)

Q: How many monkeys does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to do it and one to scratch his bum.
(with eternal thanks to David Cutmore for this timeless classic.)

Q: How many Jewish mothers in law does it take to change a lightbulb ?
(cue typical accent, shoulders hunched...)
A: None! I don't mind sitting here in the dark vilst u goes out enjoying
yourselves.....
A: Three. One to screw it in and two to gossip about it behind her back.

Q: How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three - one to call the cleaning lady and the other two to feel guilty
about having to call the cleaning lady.

Q: How many holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they just deny the bulb ever went out in the first place.

Q: How many Ethiopians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to change it and two to squabble over who gets to eat the
packaging.

Q: How many college students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: I dunno, I forgot my calculator at home.

Q: How many university students does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to fuse all the electrics while doing something silly, and one
to phone the landlord to ask for the lightbulb to be changed.

Q: How many Chinese students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Twelve: one to screw in the lightbulb, one to sit in the jail,
and ten to demonstrate on the streets.

Q: How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
A: It all depends on the size of the grant.
A: Two and a professor to take credit.

Q: How many pre-med students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, pre-meds don't screw, they study.
A: Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder
out from under him.
(Notes: The joke is that getting into med school is extremely competitive.)

Q: How many medical students does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. They are too busy propping up the bar.

Q: How many computer studies students does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. They are far too busy hacking.

Q: How many maths students does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 20. One to change it and the rest to watch and discuss how exciting it is.

Q: How many school teachers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. Anything not completed during the lesson is added to the homework.

Q: How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.

Q: How many law professors does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.

Q: How many academics does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. That's what research students are for.

Q: How many sheep does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Twenty-one. One to change it and twenty to follow him round while he looks
for a new one.

Q: How many homophobes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: First, they can't be sure the socket's feminine, and second, they'd
really rather the bulbs stayed in the closet where they belong.

Q: How many gay men does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three, one to screw in an Art Deco bulb and two to shriek "Fabulous!"

Q: How many lesbians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Sixty-nine.
A: Three. One to screw it in and two to talk about how much better it
is than with a man.
A: Two, one to do it and one to make a video documentary about it.

Q: How many prostitutes does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. "Who needs lights ?"

Q: How many orgy attenders does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: As many as possible, and don't *ask* what they do with the old bulb.

Q: How many massage parlor attendants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Whatever number turns you on, big boy.

Q: How many women does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: (It's a very simple task, so...) None. "It's a man's job."

Q: How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 11. 1 to change the lightbulb and 10 to form a support group!
A: Seven.
1 to change the lightbulb.
3 to protest the offense committed by the lightbulb in regards to
the socket.
2 to secretly wish they were the socket.
1 to secretly wish she was the lightbulb.
A: 100-one to do it and the other 99 to say that the bulb screwer does
not represent mainstream feminism in doing so.
A: Two - one to change the bulb and one to write about how it feels.
A: Three - one to screw it in and two to talk about the sexual implications.
A: That's not funny!!!
Q': How many 'Cliffie girls does it take to change a light bulb?
A': It's "Radcliffe Women" and it's not funny!

(Notes: Radcliffe is the all-women's college near Harvard that used to be where
women went before Harvard went co-ed. Since then it has earned a reputation for
militant feminism as it has remained all-female. The joke is on feminists'
supposed failure to laugh along at deprecatory remarks.)

Q: How many `Real Men' does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None: `Real Men' aren't afraid of the dark.

Q: How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.

Q: How many men does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Only one, but you have to nag him for a fortnight first.

Q: How many sexists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. They have the girls do it.

Q: How many new men does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to change it and one to hold the baby.

Q: How many VMM members does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Eleven. One to remove the old one and ten to stand around discussing
what they all want to do next.
(Notes : VMM=Vegetarian Matchmakers, a singles group where nobody ever
puts their foot down and demands that anyone should do anything.)

Q: How many new-agers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Ten. One to actually do it, and nine to stand around going "Hmmm well I
don't really mind who does it. I mean, I COULD do it, but of course I
woudn't want to impose my will upon anyone else..."
A: Two. One to change it & one to check the new one for bad psychic auras.(and
optionally another dozen to perform the dance of the renewal of the light.)
A: Two. One to screw it in and one to check the astrology.

Q: How many art museum visitors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to do it and one to say "My four-year old could do that".

Q: How many fine artists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Ten. One to change it, and nine to reassure him about how good it looks.

Q: How many French farmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. Farmer #1 goes away and gets a new lightbulb. Farmer #2 notices
that it has been imported from Britain and promptly sets fire to it, so
farmer #1 has to go and get another one, and then farmer #3 changes it.
(Notes: Topical to French farmers setting fire to imported British sheep.)

Q: How many Ku Klux Klansmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One hundred-one to do it and the others to stand around solemnly and
watch the old bulb burn.

Q: How many Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb ?
A: Three - one to change the light bulb and two to say "Oh Wow!"
A: Five - one to screw it in and four to sit in the hot tub and discuss
the environmental impact.
A: Six. One to screw it in, one for support, and four to share the experience.
(I also heard this joke told about new-agers.)
(This joke was once overheard being told by a lecturer to a class of
students during a lecture, in order to make a point about the fact that
only one student was doing any work at the terminal while a whole bunch
had crowded round to watch - sharing the experience of him doing the work.)

Q: How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Six. One to screw in the lightbulb and five to fend off all those
Californians trying to share the experience.
A: Nine. One to change the bulb, and eight to protest about the nuclear
power plant that generates the electricity that powers it.

Q: How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None. It's left to the reader as an exercise.
A: One. He gives it to six Oregonians, thereby simplifying the
problem to the previous question.

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician
can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply
watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the
light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers,
n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Weiner, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, "Re: YALBJ", 1986

Q: How many yuppies does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to mix the gin n tonics, and one to phone the electrician.
(Firstly, yuppies nowadays drink expensive imported lagers...)
(Secondly, this is meant to be told about Sloane Rangers, but
most people didn't seem to have a clue what that meant so I changed it.)

Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None 'o yo' damn business!
A: 50. 50? Yeah 50; its in the contract.
A: Five - one to change the bulb and four to protect him from muggers.
A: 21 - one to change it and 20 to watch it happen without trying to stop it.
A: Two-one to get murdered under the burnt-out bulb and the other to
replace it after the ensuing publicity.

Q: How many Union Electricians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Seventeen - One to give the bulb to the screw-inner. One to screw in the
bulb. One to hold him on the step ladder. Four to hold the step ladder
steady. One to flick the switch to test the bulb. One to make sure that the
other bulbs in the room will need fixing. One to supervise. Two to take a
coffee break, one to eat lunch, and one to nap. One to plot the best way
of breaking into the apartment at night. One to drink gin n tonics with
the yuppies.

Q: How many British trades unionists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. They cannot interfere with the lightbulb's inalienable right to
withdraw its labour.

Q: How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do
with the old one for the next 10,000 years.

Q: How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Q: How many survivors of a nuclear war does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.
A: None, you just hold it up and it glows by itself.

Q: How many quantum physicists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One. Two to do it, and one to renormalise the wave function.
(Explanation - Renormalising the wave function is something that has to be
done to a lot of quantum physics calculations to stop the answer being
infinity and makes the answer always come out as one.)

Q: How many quantum mechanicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: They can't. If they know where the socket is, they cannot locate the
new bulb.

Q: How many Heisenbergs does it take to change a light bulb?
A: If you know the number, you don't know where the light bulb is.

Q: How many scientists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They use them as controls in double blind trials.

Q: How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but it takes at least three light bulbs.

Q: How many Valley Girls does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Oooh, like, manual labor? Gag me with a spoon! For sure.
(Notes: Valley Girls is a term used to describe a category of young females
from certain parts of California who are noted among other things for using
vast quantities of previously non-existent slang.)

Q: How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!

Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: That depends on whether it has health insurance.
A: Three. One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb
installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare.
A: None. They just tell it to take two asprin and come round
to the surgery later.
A: None. They only sign the death certificate and phone the mortuary.
A: None. They would diagnose depression and prescribe benzo diazapines.

Q: How many surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They would wait for a suitable donor and do a filament transplant.

(From the Daily Mail.)
Q: How many NHS hospital staff does it take to change a lightbulb ?
("funny" version)
A: Six. One to diagnose the problem, one to take an X-ray, one to wheel in the
replacement on a trolley, one to apply an anaesthetic, one to do the
delicate operation, and one to examine the late bulb in a post-mortem.
(Allegedly true version - believe it if you will.)
A: Six. Person (1) reports bulb is not working and requests a new one.
Department supervisor (2) sends order form to maintenance department.
Maintenance department clerk (3) decides whether to make it priority case.
Job booked. Supervisor (4) decides whether it should be done individually
or with other jobs. Order is placed in maintenance man's pigeonhole.
Maintenance man (5) fills in ticket describing job. He picks up the parts
needed. He goes to scene of faulty lightbulb. He fits bulb or discovers he
cannot mend light. He returns to department and reports back. He completes
work ticket putting this in writing. Work ticket is checked by maintenance
department to see whether order carried out. Then checked to see task
completed in time set out under department guidelines. Ticket filed. Member
of department (6) checks ticket against department work plan. Details go
into department's workload report.

Q: What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
A: You can unscrew a light bulb.

Q: How many body builders does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 6. One to change it and 5 to say "Man, you've got huge muscles !"
(Apparently body builders admire each other's muscles.)

Q: How many Sun readers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.

Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Duh.... whats a lightbulb???
A: It depends how many blondes there are, but some people prefer
it with the lights off.

Q: How many strong <ethnics> does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 115. One to hold the bulb and 114 to rotate the house.

Q: How many <ethnic> gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.

Q: How many poltergeists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to unscrew the old bulb and drop it on the floor, one to put the
new bulb in, and one to move a few more things about just for good measure.

Q: How many nihilists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: There is nothing to change.

Q: How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Sod it, we're all gonna die anyway.

Q: How many atheists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. Atheists question whether it's really light anyway.
A: None. Atheists never "see the light" anyway do they ?

Q: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. The Universe spins the bulb, and the Zen master stays out of the way.
A: A tree in a golden forest.
A: Two: one to change the bulb and one not to change it.
A: One to change and one not to change is fake Zen. The true Zen
answer is Four. One to change the bulb.
A: None. Zen masters carry their own light.
(This would probably be funny to someone who knows about Zen Buddhism.)
(Perhaps the joke is that a Zen master doesn't do anything, he just IS.)

Q: How many Mahayana Buddhists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Four - One to screw in the light bulb, one to not screw in the light bulb,
one to not not screw in the light bulb, and one to not do any of those.

Q: How many Boddhisattvas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One - "If the thunder don't get you, then the lightning will"

Q: How many Hindus does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to screw it in and one to do the puja.
(Notes: PUJA is a religious ceremony.)

Q: How many Quakers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Ten to sit around in a circle until one feels the inner light.

Q: How many Hari Krishnas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Ten, one to do it and the rest to dance around, play the tambourine,
chant, and sing lots of songs using only the words "Hari Krishna."

Q: How many Branch Davidians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they provide their own illumination.
A: Nine, one to do it and the other eight to find a leg for him to stand on.

Q: How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two - one to screw it in, and another to repent.
A: Two, one to do it and a priest to hear him confess and give the old
bulb last rites.

Q: How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three, but they're really only one.

Q: How many Christian fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The Bible doesn't mention light bulbs.

Q: How many Mormons does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Six, one to screw it in and the other five to serve refreshments.

Q: How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to
go back on.

Q: How many missionaries does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 101. One to change it and 100 to convince everyone else to change
light bulbs too.
A: One, and thirty natives to see the light.

Q: How many hunt sabs does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to do it and two to clean the muddy footprints off
the carpet and the chair he was standing on.

Q: How many police does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to change it and two to direct traffic (eh ?)
(This is evidently a "hunt sabs" joke.)
(Commentary from an American: I don't get "hunt sabs". In any case, I
still find it funny. The joke is that whenever something in the US happens
that requires the continued presence of the police, one always gets
dispatched to direct traffic and keep it moving because everyone always
slows down and rubbernecks when they see a lot of police cars.)

(Added comentary from an Englishman in America - They think they get
Monty Python too!!!!!!!)

Q: How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None. It
turned itself in. A: Just one, but he is never around when you need him.

Q: How many LA cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Six-one to do it and five to smash the old bulb to splinters.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How many can you afford?
A: It only takes one to change your bulb...to his.
A: Three. One to change it and 2 to keep interrupting by standing up
and shouting "Objection !"
A: None, lawyers only screw us.
A: Lawyers don't change bulbs. Now if you're looking for someone to
really screw a bulb...
A: Three-one to sue the power company for insufficiently supplying power,
or negligent failure to prevent the surge that made the bulb burn out
in the first place, one to sue the electrician who wired the house,
and one to sue the bulb manufacturers.
(another huge answer is at the bottom of this file.)

Q: How many football managers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Well, it would only take one, but actually he doesn't change it
at all if it worked all right for him last time.

Q: How many Americal college football players does it take to change
a light bulb?
A: The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!

Q: How many American footballers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two - one to screw it in and the other to recover the fumble.

Q: How many Denver Broncos does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, unless it was a blow out, then all of them show up.
(also Buffalo Bills)

(Commentary from an American: Oh, please <groan> :-). I live in Buffalo, so
it's a slightly sore subject. This relates to recent Super Bowls. The Broncos
have been to four Super Bowls, and lost three by huge margins-"blowouts".
Likewise the Bills, the pride and joy of our city, have lost the last three
straight, the last two by overwhelming margins.)

Q: How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. There never *was* any light bulb.
Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.

Q: How many pro-lifers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to do it and one to insist that the bulb was lit when the
screwing began.
A: Nine-four to block the entrance to the room, four to hold up pictures
of burnt-out bulbs, and one to try and convince the person with the
new bulb to let the room stay dark.

Q: How many pro-choicers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to do it and one to assert that the bulb didn't exist before
it was lit up.

Q: How many fat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him
down off the keg.
A: Five: One to hold the bulb, and four to guzzle beer until the
room spins.

Q: How many board meetings does it take to get a light bulb changed?
A: This topic was resumed from last week's discussion, but is incomplete
pending resolution of some action items. It will be continued next week.
Meanwhile...

Q: How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None; assholes never see the light anyway.

Q: How many Necrophiliacs does it take to screw in a light bulb?"
A: None. Necrophiliacs prefer dead bulbs.
A: Only one. "Oh, excuse me, could you please test the socket with
your finger while I go get a new bulb?"

Q: How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: About one third less than for a regular bulb.
(Note: This joke is about an American ad for light beer=reduced calories.)

Q: How many WASP Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: What?! And ruin my nails???
A: Two. One to get a Tab and one to call Daddy.
(Notes: WASP Princess = spoilt rich girl, a Tab = a can of Tab the drink.)

Q: How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: What kind of answer did you have in mind?

Q: How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I'll have an estimate for you a week from Monday.

Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
A: As many as it takes to make a pile big enough to climb on to reach the bulb.
Notes: Ugh!

Q: How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Oh wow, is it like dark, man?

Q: How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb ?
A: 50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .

Q: "How many Romulans does it take to screw in a light bulb?"
A: "151, one to screw the light-bulb in, and 150 to self-destruct
the ship out of disgrace."
(Warning: do not tell this to Romulans or be ready for a fight. They
consider this joke to be a disgrace, though it is not bad for a LBJ.)

Q: How many Vulcans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: "Approximately 1.00000000000000000000000"

Q: How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?
A: None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.

Q: How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.

Q: How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to screw it almost all the way in and the other to
give it a surprising twist at the end.

Q: How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.

Q: How many referral agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you
to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.

Q: How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me."
(Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, the phrase was from "Laugh In.")

Q: How many people in Twin Peaks does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to change it and one to wrap the dead one in plastic.
(Notes: Twin Peaks has a murderer who wraps the victims in plastic.)

Q: How many DIY buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it takes him two weekends and three trips to the
hardware store.

Q: How many recovering addicts does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but it takes twelve steps.
A: One, as long as he admits he's powerless over light bulbs.
A: One to screw it in and one to sponsor him.

Q: How many blind people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It depends whether the switch is on or off.

Q: How many Victorians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: <Ahem> We do not discuss this with ladies and children present.

Q: How many BATF agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Four hundred to attempt to seize the old bulb and then surround the
house when it rebuffs them.
A: It doesn't matter, they just burn down the house.

Q: How many librarians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: I don't know, but I can look it up for you.

Q: How many cataloguers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but the Library of Congress has to do it first.

Q: How many NBC news producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three, one to drill a hole in the light bulb so it blows up when he
turns it on, one to film it, and one to insist on the truth of
the report despite the manipulation.

Q: How many Supreme Court Justices does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Nine-three to form a plurality, two to concur in part, two to dissent
one to concur in part and dissent in part with the plurality opinion,
and the last to concur with the dissenters in part.

Q: How many Hegelians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, of course. One stands at one end of the room and argues that it
isn't dark; the other stands across from him and says that true
light is impossible. This dialectic creates a synthesis when the
bulb gets screwed in.

Q: How many Platonists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, to leave the darkness of the cave and see the sun.

Q: How many screenwriters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Why does it *have* to be changed?

Q: How many American standup comedians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: You know what bugs me about light bulbs? The other night I was flying
cross country and the stewardess started telling me about her cat.
Man, I hate people who don't use their turn signals. Hey, how about
an impression. Here's Jack Nicholson doing Tony Curtis in drag
imitating Marlon Brando screwing in a light bulb. FEEEEEELINGS....

Q: How many New Historicists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None-historical forces will do it. The bulb-screwer is a relatively
modern invention.

Q: How many folklorists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Ten. One to change it and nine to document it.

Q: How many deconstructionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: It doesn't matter. Even if the bulb is screwed in, it will always be
flickering, however faintly, so it really hasn't worked. It is
incapable of delivering uninterrupted light.

Q: How many Torontonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Fifty-one to do it and the other forty-nine to proclaim it's the greatest
event in the history of creation, a truly world-class bulb screwing.

Q: How many African Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drive the pink Cadillac in
tight circles.
A: Four hundred to march on the power company and threaten to burn it
down if they don't hire some African Americans to do it.

Q: How many Serbs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two-one to shoot the old bulb out and one to screw the new one in.

Q: How many chickens does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two-one to do it and one to cross the road.

Q: How many kindergarden kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, two, three... Mummy! can I use my toes?

Q: How many undertakers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They just paint them black and go on using them.

Q: How many talk show hosts does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three, one to screw in the new bulb, one to ask the old one how it
feels to be replaced, and one to take questions from the audience.

Q: How many gun control advocates does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: They don't do that; they pass laws against burned-out bulbs,
and then they wonder why it's still so dark. Meanwhile, a lot
of people get hurt because they can't see.

Q: How many NRA members does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 3-One to give up the old bulb when they pry it from his cold dead
fingers, one to screw it in and pose for an "I'm the NRA" ad while
doing so, and one to complain about the waiting period.
A: Two, one to do it and the other one to get his dick out of the gun.

Q: How many Soviet emigres does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Soviet emigres are used to sitting in the dark.
A: One, and a lot of light bulbs.
A: Three. One to force the bulb in with a hammer, one to steal
more bulbs, one to ask NYANA for a bigger hammer.
A: Four. One to stand on a chair and hold the bulb, two to lift the chair by
its legs, one to call an American and to ask which way to turn the chair.

Q: How many Newfies does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to bite the bulb out of the socket and one to hammer the
new one in.

Q: How many baby boomers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Ten-four to talk about how great it is that they've all come together
to do this, one to screw it in, one to film it for the news, one to
plan a marketing strategy based on it, one to reminisce about mass
naked bulb screwings in the '60s, one to watch reruns of '50s TV
shows, and one to play classic rock.

Q: How many (generation) Xers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to go and shoplift the bulb so the boomers have something
to screw in and the other to screw it in for minimum wage.

Q: How many vampires does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they *like* it in the dark.

Q: How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: one.

Q: How many Pygmies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: At least three. (Notes: think height!)

Q: How many people does it take to throw away a one WATT bulb??
A: Five. A Black, a Jew, two women, and a cripple...
Notes: topical to the resignation of Interior secretary James Watt in 1983

Q: How many CND supporters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They won't, because:


"I'm not about to touch anything that has WATT written on it!"

"If we change our bulb, they will just change theirs to a
brighter one, so where will it all end?"

"We already have enough bulbs to illuminate the entire world
three times over."

"We shouldn't spend money for light bulbs as long as anyone
is hungry anywhere."

"We don't know what effect all this artificial light will
have on the future of mankind."

"Nature provides us with all the light we need; we just haven't
learned to husband it yet."

"Artificial light isn't aesthetically correct."

"The candle is more traditional, and it uses no electricity."

"It is the responsibility of the Federal Government to provide
light to all Americans, without regard to race, age, creed, color
sex (anatomic), sex (persuasion), religion, socio-economic status,
national origin, or need."

Q: How many cabbage patch dolls does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The question is irrelevant since you couldn't find the dolls even if
you knew how many.
Notes: Topical to 1983 and the difficulty of obtaining cabbage patch dolls

Q: How many Lubavitcher Chassidim does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Dark? Who says it's dark? Wait a few minutes and it'll get real bright !

Q: How many Satmar Chassidim does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Umm, sorry, a man has to do that, it's beyond the capability of a woman.

Q: How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.

(Notes on the previous 3: Chassidim (pronounced "hass-ee-deem"-it's Hebrew) are
an orthodox Jewish sect. The jokes above refer to various further subsects and
their peculiarities. The Lubavitchers, the most prevalent, are known for their
belief that the Mossiach (Messiah) will be coming along soon. The Bratzlaver
joke refers to the fact that they all revered their founder, the Rabbi Nachman,
and since he died they haven't really replaced him, as nobody in the group
feels capable of filling his shoes. The Satmar are very strict in their
adherence to the sex-role distinctions prescribed by the Bible-in one area,
they've been fighting with local authorities about school busing, because they
believe that women should not be allowed to drive, and the school system
employs a lot of women as bus drivers.)

Q: How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, astronomers prefer the dark.

Q: How many radio astronomers does it take to change a light bulb.
A: None. They are not interested in that short wave stuff.

Q: How many NASA technicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Seventy, and they plan it for two weeks and when they finally get around
to it the weather's bad so they postpone it till next week. The lightbulb
costs 3 million dollars.

Q: How many Carl Sagans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Billions and billions.
(Notes: Carl Sagan is an astronomer/physicist/TV presenter etc but I still
don't understand the joke, unless "billions and billions" is his catchphrase ?)

Q: How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace
a light bulb?
A: Many hands make light work.

(Notes: "Poor Richard's Almanac" is a classic of colonial Americana, written
(pseudonymously) by Ben Franklin in the 1740s. It advocates a simple, thrifty
lifestyle in the form of aphorisms, including that one, so it makes a nice play
on words.)

Q: How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.

(Notes: It might be something to do with the film - 2001 Space Odyssey.
It's more the book, actually. That and "The Lost Worlds of 2001" should
help illuminate this one. The big black monoliths, according to the books,
are meant to help man evolve, something sort of hinted at in the film but
more explicitly stated in the books.)

Q: How many evolutionists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it takes eight million years.

Q: How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
(Could somebody please explain this one to me ! I think it's something to do
with the maths/logic theories of Kurt Goedel, about it being impossible to
prove things.)

Q: How many dadaists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: To get to the other side.

(Notes: The "dadaist" answer, like dadaism itself, goes further than the
surrealist one. Whereas the surrealist one at least bears the semblance
of a relationship to the question, the dadaist one is the punchline to
another joke entirely.)

Q: How many spies does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Why bother?

(I guess the point is that spies like to do everything in the dark anyway ?)

Q: How many EST followers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: A roomful. They take turns as the leader tells them what rotten and
worthless bulb screwers they are. No one is allowed to leave the room to go
to the bathroom while the bulb screwing is in progress.

(Notes: EST (Erhard Seminars Training) was some sort of self-esteem-building
programme that was popular in the late 1970s. The sessions were as described
in the punchline.)

Q: How many Amish does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Amish don't have light bulbs. They bake pies.

(Notes: The Amish are a people, also known as the "Pennsylvania Dutch", who
mostly (though not exclusively) live in southeastern Pennsylvania and are noted
for their religion. They adhere to a strict code of living that forbids using
such modern conveniences as electricity and automobiles, and indeed often look
and act as if they were time travelers from the early nineteenth century (they
drive around in horse and buggy carts). They are descended from German
Protestant immigrants of that time (hence the "Dutch" as the immigration people
misunderstood "Deutsch", the answer they gave for nationality). Their quaint
lifestyle draws many people to SE PA every year, where they often have a chance
to sample their sweet pies and cakes. Hence the joke.

Q: How many NSC members does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We can't say.
A: Three, in fourteen countries.

(Notes: The NSC is the US National Security Council, whose rubric Oliver North
was acting under, and which is often accused by people such as Gore Vidal of
secretly governing the country.)

Q: How many Sparts does it take to change a light bulb?
A: You can't CHANGE a light bulb!

Note: Sparts = Spartacus Youth League, a leftist fringe group that believes
in violent revolution. Attributed to Michael Anderson '83, a student activist
at Harvard.

Q: How many Dune Coons does it take to replace a light bulb?
A: Three - one to hold the bulb and two to turn the stool, but they
need a foreign adviser to tell them it was burned out.
(Notes: I presume a "Dune Coon" means a 3rd world peasant.)

Q: How many elephants does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Only one, but it has to stand on a trunk to do it.
(thus combining the themes of elephant jokes and lightbulb jokes...)
(any improvements on this answer will be gratefully received...)

Q: How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by itself.

(Notes: "Supply-siders" were the force behind Reagan's early reforms, and their
economic theories were just like those of Thatcher (only the Thatcherites were
more extreme). They believed that if they shifted the focus of government
economic policy to stimulating supply rather than demand, the business cycle
would be stopped at an agreeable point and inflation would be permanently
whipped. Obviously, it didn't quite work out that way.)

Q: How many Ann Arborites does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they just start a "Coping With Darkness" support group.

(Notes: Ann Arbor is a where, not a who. It's the home of the University
of Michigan, which has a fairly liberal reputation.)

Q: How many Lacanians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three-one to do it, one to desire it, and the ignorant Other.

(Notes: Jacques Lacan (1901-82) was a prominent French psychoanalyst and
theorist who is very influential with literary critics at the moment. This
relates to his theories.)

Q: How many Martians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One and a half.
(Is this a science-fiction in-joke ?)

And now for some other jokes about lightbulbs that came my way...

Q: Why did the lightbulb fall out of the tree ?
A: Cos it was doing an impersonation of the sun, setting.
A: Cos Christmas tree decorations are always cheap and nasty.
A: Cos it was autumn. (eh ?)
(Thus combining the twin themes of lightbulb jokes and
jokes about things falling out of trees...)

Q: How many lightbulbs does it take to change a dyslexic ?

Q: How many dyslexics does it take to bulb a light change?
A: Eno.

Q: Why does it take three women with PMS to change a lightbulb ?
A: Cos it does, RIGHT ?

Q: What did the lightbulb say to the fuse ?
A: That's a blow !

Q: How does an engineer change a lightbulb?
A: As long as lighting levels are within operational parameters, he doesn't !

Q: How many chess grandmasters does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. They are too "Short".
A: 21. One to have the idea, and a whole load more to do all the analysis.

Q: How many people does it take to change a lightbulb for Bobby Fischer ?
A: Two. One person to put the new one in, and another person to file
three millimetres off it first.

Question - are there regional variations in lightbulb jokes ?

And then there's the joke about the Polish rabbit...

*************************************************************************
* Well, we've come to the end of the normal size lightbulb jokes !! But *
* for those dedicated enthusiasts, here's my collection of longer ones. *
*************************************************************************

Q: How many people at a chess tournament does it take to change a lightbulb ?

(short (Not Nigel !) version)

A: Nine. One to complain about the lighting levels, one to say he thinks the
lighting is OK, one to suggest someone calls the arbiter, one to go and
call the arbiter, one to reminisce about lighting levels at the 1947
tournament at Hastings, one to complain about the disturbance the others
are causing, both arbiters, and one to say he thought the lighting was
better before they changed the lightbulb.

(long version, published 6 months later)

A: Here is the current state of research... You need one to complain about the
lighting. A second will say he thinks the light is fine. A third suggests
the tournament director be called, and number four fetches him. An aged
player (5) reminisces about the lighting levels at Nottingham 1936. The
director (6) can't be found, but his deputy (7) arrives. Player eight says
that if they increase the lighting levels it will reflect into his eyes.
Number nine says they should have fluorescent lighting. Player ten says
it's just a question of replacing the dead lightbulb, but player 11 thinks
the bulb hasn't been working properly since the tournament began. The
deputy arbiter asks an assistant arbiter (12) to make up a sign : 'Bulb
defective.' A democrat (13) suggests taking a vote on whether to change the
bulb and a businessman (14) forms the lightbulb changing association (LCA)
as a pressure group to argue for better lighting. The world champion (15)
is elected chairman. The FIDE president (16) sets up a working party
(17-20) to establish agreed lighting levels with the LCA. The LCA chairman
then has a row with its other members about direct/indirect lighting, and
storms off with his lawyer (21) to found the Association for Changing
Lightbulbs (ACL). The challenger for the world title (22) suddenly says he
will not play under FIDE lighting. Three sponsors (23-25) emerge to hold
the FIDE (direct light), LCA (fluorescent) and ACL (reflected light)
championships, but none can match the interest attracted by Fischer (26)
playing Spassky (27) with the new Fischer lightbulb, whose incandescence
increases the longer you think. The last sane player on earth (28) sneaks
into the playing room to change the defective bulb, but his replacement has
the wrong fitting. His scream of anguish reveals him, and he is expelled
from world chess for creating a disturbance.
(Notes : Refers to the way chess tournaments work and also very topical to
a lot of recent chess politics. Credit William Hartston in YOU magazine.)

Q: How many members of the U.S.S. Enterprise does it take to change a
light bulb?
A: 7. Scotty will report to Captain Kirk that the light bulb in the
Engineering Section is burnt out, to which Kirk will send Bones
to pronounce the bulb dead. Scotty, after checking around, notices
that they have no more new light bulbs, and complains that he can't
see in the dark to tend to his engines. Kirk must make an emergency
stop at the next uncharted planet, Alpha Regula IV, to procure a
light bulb from the natives. Kirk, Spock, Bones, Sulu, and 3 red
shirt security officers beam down. The 3 security officers are
promptly killed by the natives, and the rest of the landing party
is captured. Meanwhile, back in orbit, Scotty notices a Klingon ship
approaching and must warp out of orbit to escape detection.
Bones cures the native king who is suffering from the flu, and as
a reward the landing party is set free and given all of the light bulbs
they can carry. Scotty cripples the Klingon ship and warps back to the
planet just in time to beam up Kirk et. al. The new bulb is inserted,
and the Enterprise continues with its five year mission.

And now for two more versions of the story just for good measure : -

(OS versions)
A: Six-Scotty to get on the intercom when the light goes out and say
"I canna do it, Cap'n! These bulbs are stoon dead", Spock to tell
Kirk he is proceeding illogically, McCoy to say "They're BURNED-OUT,
Jim!" and "Dammit Jim-I'm a doctor not an electrician!!", Kirk to
screw it in, and two red-shirt security men to die in the process.

A: (long version)
The Enterprise is transporting a stuffy, pompous Federation diplomat
to a crucial peace conference when the bulb burns out. Scotty rigs up
some odds and ends that will keep it burning for twenty-four hours
but they need to get a replacement in that time. So the ship makes an
emergency detour to Alpha Regula IV, the nearest planet with any
known light bulb stocks. However, when Kirk, Spock, McCoy and three
security men beam down, a Klingon ship appears, so Scotty warps the
Enterprise out of orbit. Meanwhile, on the planet, two of the
security men are killed by a sentient energy field and the other dies
when a native throws a poisoned spear at him. Kirk, Spock and McCoy
are taken prisoner by the natives, who mistakenly assume them to be
in league with the energy field which has been killing them, too.
Kirk realizes that they have tons of light bulbs which could be
useful to the Federation, so he attempts to communicate with the
chief, who agrees to let Kirk have the light bulbs if he survives a
duel with the tribe's greatest warrior. In a rough, tough and bone
crunching fight, Kirk wins at the last minute. In gratitude, the
chief allows him to sleep with his daughter, who has fallen in love
with him. McCoy cures his wife of her chronic illness and delivers
her baby. As they celebrate, the energy field appears and is about to
kill everybody when Spock uses a mindmeld to convince it the tribe is
not a threat. Meanwhile, in space, Scotty has resisted the entreaties
of the diplomat to fall for the Klingons' phony peace ploy, violating
Federation law when he overrules him, but later the diplomat is
convinced when Scotty fights them off, and at the last minute, he
returns to orbit and beams up the landing party, who now have all the
light bulbs the Federation needs. After the last commercial break,
they screw it in, and then Kirk, McCoy and Spock sit together on the
bridge and make philosophical/humorous comments about what just
happened. That stock shot of the Enterprise flying off into the
starfield appears, and the episode ends.

And now for a monster one donated by anthony5 from rec.humor.funny

Q: How many AI (Artificial Intelligence) people does it take to
change a lightbulb?
A: At least 55:

The problem space group (5):
One to define the goal state.
One to define the operators.
One to describe the universal problem solver.
One to hack the production system.
One to indicate about how it is a model of human lightbulb changing
behaviour.
The logical formalism group (16):
One to figure out how to describe lightbulb changing in first order logic.
One to figure out how to describe lightbulb changing in second order logic.
One to show the adequacy of FOL.
One to show the inadequacy of FOL.
One to show that lightbulb logic is non-monotonic.
One to show that it isn't non-monotonic.
One to show how non-monotonic logic is incorporated in FOL.
One to determine the bindings for the variables.
One to show the completeness of the solution.
One to show the consistency of the solution.
One to show that the two just above are incoherent.
One to hack a theorem prover for lightbulb resolution.
One to suggest a parallel theory of lightbulb logic theorem proving.
One to show that the parallel theory isn't complete. ...ad infinitum
(or absurdum, as you will). ...
One to indicate how it is a description of human lightbulb changing
behaviour.
One to call the electrician.
The robotics group (10):
One to build a vision system to recognize the dead bulb.
One to build a vision system to locate a new bulb.
One to figure out how to grasp the lightbulb without breaking it.
One to figure out how to make a universal joint that will permit the
hand to rotate 360+ degrees.
One to figure out how to make the universal joint go the other way.
One to figure out the arm solutions that will get the arm to the socket.
One to organize the construction teams.
One to hack the planning system.
One to get Westinghouse to sponsor the research.
One to indicate about how the robot mimics human motor behaviour in
lightbulb changing.
The knowledge engineering group (6):
One to study electricians' changing lightbulbs.
One to arrange for the purchase of the lisp machines.
One to assure the customer that this is a hard problem and that great
accomplishments in theory will come from his support of this effort.
(The same one can arrange for the fleecing.)
One to study related research.
One to indicate about how it is a description of human lightbulb
changing behaviour.
One to call the lisp hackers.
The Lisp hackers (13):
One to bring up the chaos net.
One to adjust the microcode to properly reflect the group's political
beliefs.
One to fix the compiler.
One to make incompatible changes to the primitives.
One to provide the Coke.
One to rehack the Lisp editor/debugger.
One to rehack the window package.
Another to fix the compiler.
One to convert code to the non-upward compatible Lisp dialect.
Another to rehack the window package properly.
One to flame on BUG-LISPM.
Another to fix the microcode.
One to write the fifteen lines of code required to change the lightbulb.
The Psychological group (5):
One to build an apparatus which will time lightbulb changing performance.
One to gather and run subjects.
One to mathematically model the behaviour.
One to call the expert systems group.
One to adjust the resulting system, so that it drops the right number
of bulbs.

And now for another monster that I sort of screendumped from rec.humor : -

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Such number as may be deemed necessary to perform the stated task in a
timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following
agreement:

Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "The Lawyer", and the party
of the second part, also known as "The Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith
agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall
be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform
previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise
illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entry
way, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by
the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of
the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the
aforementioned agreement between the parties. The aforementioned removal
transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:
1.) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at
his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of
elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party
of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, said
direction being non-negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the
second part (Light Bulb) shall be undertaken by the party of the first part
(Lawyer) with every possible caution by the party of the first part (Lawyer) to
maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part (Light Bulb),
notwithstanding the aforementioned failure of the party of the second part
(Light Bulb) to perform the aforementioned customary and agreed upon duties.
The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that structural
failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) may be incidental to the
aforementioned failure to perform and in such case the party of the first part
(Lawyer) shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as this
agreement is concerned so long as the non-negotiable directional codicil
(counter-clockwise) is observed by the party of the first part (Lawyer)
throughout.
2.) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb)
becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of
the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the
second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state,
local and federal statutes.
3.) Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first
part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of
the fourth part("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner
consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this
selfsame document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a
clockwise direction, said direction also being non-negotiable.

NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party
of the first part (Lawyer), by said party of the first part (Lawyer), by his
heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by him to do so, the
objective being to produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of
the aforementioned front (north) door consistent with maximization of ingress
and revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "The Firm".

And now for yet another monster someone sat down one day and worked out...

How many DEC employees does it take to change a light bulb?
92 - As follows:

2 People - Preliminary discussion of concept change.
1 Person - Devise and write formal bulb architecture.
2 People - Feasibility study and timetable of events.
2 People - Produce four utilities to reduce screw-in time (in
addition to the electric utility).
1 Person - Maintain ISO and DEC standards (sockets, voltage,
AC/DC).
4 People - Commonality task force on bulb change.
15 People - Change bulb.
5 People - Perform bulb functional test.
2 People - Perform bulb load test.
3 People - Perform bulb regression test.
1 Person - Perform bulb performance analysis.
1 Person - Perform bulb bottleneck analysis.
1 Person - Follow-up study (bulb merge feasibility).
1 Person - Interface with Utilities Commission.
1 Person - Interface with users. (Did they want incandescent when
we only supply non-tunable fluorescent point product?)
BAX (Bulbs Are eXpensive)!
5 People - Perform BOSE (Build Other Socket Enhancements)
compatibility/architecture study.
3 People - Ensure form (round/square, clear/frosted) follows
function (wattage, 120/140 volts, visible/ultraviolet,
flashing, flood/spot).
3 People - Implement temporary alternative bulb socket for already
(!?) existing, successful, and profitable socket
(bulb-in-one).
5 People - Determine how to market/package/distribute temporary
alternative bulb socket.
10 People - Determine how to perform bulb change product split
(control - switches, dimmers; versus implementation -
screw-in torque, recovery strategies).
1 Person - Interface with Utilities Commission quality assurance
group.
1 Person - Submit to BDC (Bulb Distribution Center).
1 Person - Set up BPR (Bulb Problem Reports) system.
10 People - Answer customer BPRs.
11 People - Football team to challenge bulb changers.

And finally - an item cut out from a newspaper ;

Headline : SHEDDING LIGHT ON AN OLD JOKE

How many people does it take to change a light bulb ? Forty-three, if they are
US government workers, an anti-bureaucracy drive has discovered. Regulations at
a Colorado power plant, where the bulb was a warning light, called for a
seven-man "work-control meeting", talks with workers who had changed the bulb
before plus approval from safety, logistics, waste management and scheduling
officials. Someone had to order the repair, someone else supervise it and
someone else again check the new bulb worked. It all took 1087.1 hours.

Warm regards to all lightbulb joke fans. BRIAN.
===============================================

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