Politics With Cows
Feudalism
You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
Pure Socialism
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn
with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The
government gives you all the milk you need.
Bureaucratic Socialism
Your cows are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of
the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The
government gives you as much milk and eggs the regulations say you
should need.
Fascism
You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
Pure Communism
You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
Real World Communism
You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker
about who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need".
Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead
of starvation.
Russian Communism
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government
takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it
on the black market.
Perestroika
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the Mafia takes
all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the
"free" market.
Cambodian Communism
You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
Militarianism
You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
Totalitarianism
You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
Pure Democracy
You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
Representative Democracy
You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
British Democracy
You have two cows. You feed them sheeps' brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.
Bureaucracy
You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed
them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them.
Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down
the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the
missing cows.
Pure Anarchy
You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.
Pure Capitalism
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Capitalism
You don't have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows, because you don't have any cows to put up as collateral.
Enviromentalism
You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.
Political Correctness
You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the
phallo centric, war mongering, intolerant past) two differently - aged
(but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.
Surrealism
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
TRADITIONAL CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters
of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the band, then execute a
debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all
four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of
the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island
company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights
to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says
the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow
to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine
cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your
bull.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and
produce twenty time the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images
called Cowikimon and market them worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are... You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows... both are mad.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows... and the one on the left is kinda cute...