http://www.bell-labs.com/project/tts/voices.html

Hi. This is Nicks machine. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are a relative, please send money. If you are my credit card company, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.

Hi! Nick's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please leave a message after the tone, and I'll stick it to myself with one of these magnets.

Hello, you are talking to Nicks machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owner does not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and his carpets are clean. He already gives to charity and doesn't need his picture taken. He is happy with his phone company and doesnt want cable. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and he will get back to you.

(in a bored, deep voice) "Heaven, God speaking...."

Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up.

Hi. I am probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you."

Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back."

If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave us a message.

You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message.

My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave
your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.

A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So leave a message.

"Hello, this is Nick's microwave. His answering machine just eloped
with his tape deck, so I'm stuck with taking his calls. Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone.'

"This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call."

"You have reached the CPX-2000 Voice Blackmail System. Your voice patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored for later use. Once this is done, our computers will be able to use the sound of your voice for literally thousands of illegal and immoral purposes. There is no charge for this initial consultation. However our staff of professional extortionists will contact you in the near future to further explain the benefits of our service, and to arrange for your schedule of payment. Remember to speak clearly at the sound of the tone. Thank you.

"Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent.
Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.